I’ve started calling Littles The Duke of Ashol. Say it slowly, and imagine me swearing. I love my child so much. That said, he’s kind of an asshole. Here are the Top 10 Reasons Why He Is Now The Duke Of Ashol.
The Top 10 Reasons Why Littles is The Duke
#10: He. Never. Shuts. Up. He narrates everything he does. When he isn’t narrating, he’s asking inane questions. “The building only explodes when it has a tornado inside it.” “What’s Moana’s name?” “Moana.” “No! What’s Moana’s name!?” Repeat infinity.
#9: “Nuffin”. This is his answer every time we ask what he’s doing, especially when he’s doing something he shouldn’t. Which, since he’s 3, is everything “Littles, whatcha doing?” “Nuffin!” *feet stomping away in a wild flurry of nuffin*
#8: Him and YouTube kids. For example, he wanted to watch troll haircuts. So he yelled into YT Kids “troll haircuts”. The voice recognition software heard dog haircuts. So he then yelled “I said troll haircuts not dog haircuts gimmie troll haircuts!” And I mean yelling as one word at the top of his lungs. When it errors out because 3 year old yelling, he then goes “ugh” and throws the iPad.
#7: When I do something he doesn’t like, he tells me I’m a bad mommy. Then tells someone else. Then tells me he “telled on me”.
#6: He has such epic tantrums that people have asked us to be removed from Walmart. WALMART. You don’t even need real clothes to shop there, but Littles behavior apparently crosses the line.
#5: He says no to almost everything. The one thing he says yes to is the fact that he has to argue with everything I say.
#4: He will ask for a specific dinner. I will make it. He will then push it away, proclaiming it to be “p-yucky”.
#3: He complains if we look at him in the morning if it’s “too early”. His definition of “too early” changes daily.
#2: He’s mean. I fell asleep on the couch. His answer to this is to slap the shit out of my face. He then screamed “wake up” at me. And giggled.
And the #1 reason why Littles is the Duke: He’s 3.