Paw Patrol – Proof Stoners Write Kid Shows: Part 1

So, kid shows fascinate me.  I swear, the job description must be something like: “Wanted – creative drug addict to write impossible truths that are suitable for our most impressionable minds.”

Littles is a cuddler.  He will come over and demand I sit down.  How can I say no to a demanding two year old going “Mama – sit down!”?  I can’t.  This leads me to watching kid shows sometimes, and trying to make them make sense in real life.

I can see it now in the Nickelodeon Studios.

<queue echo effect flashback>

72a21-nickelodeon_studios_florida


Stoner Dude:  So, I have an idea.

Executive:  Okay, what is it?

Stoner Dude:  There’s this cult leader, but he’s like a kid.  And he killed his parents to inherit their money to build his cult.  Wait, do you hear an echo? No? Well anyway…He calls it Adventure Bay, so it’s nice and normal.  He builds houses and businesses, and starts to recruit cult members.  He gets this dumb lady who talks to chickens, this old lady who has a pet raccoon, the weird fisherman dude who only speaks in alliteration.  The rival cult leader is in a town full of dentists, okay, and he has EVIL KITTENS!

Executive:  I can market that, but we need more people.  Also, what will fight the evil kittens?

Stoner Dude:  Okay.  How about a farmer?  They need food. And, cult kid needs a protege and a child bride, but it’s okay because he’s a child, too.  So, bring in the protege as another boy kid, and he needs a parent.  But not like a parent parent.  He needs an old dude who has accepted his role in life is to put up with the protege.  I need munchies, so the old dude can bake.  The child bride will bathe the evil kitties.  Or normal kitties.  Yeah, that makes more sense.  And let’s add a stoner dude ski bum.

Executive:  Again, what fights the evil kitties?

Stoner Dude:  WONDERDOG!

Executive:  That’s been done before.  What about a team of dogs?

Stoner Dude:  YEAH!  They do normal stuff, like dig and collect trash.  And since cult kid killed his parents for their money, he can create rocket ships for the dogs!  And a robot dog to drive him around, because he’s a kid, you know. I swear I can hear an echo…try it with me. ECHO! See? No? 

Executive:  Okay.  It’s a town, so it needs some basic services.  Police, fire, trash/recycle, construction dogs.  I’ll add a flying dog, a ski patrol dog, and an ocean dog.  Let’s dial the rocket ships down some.  How about they have trucks, planes, and an RV?  No chauffeur, though.

Stoner Dude:  He needs a robot dog or I won’t let you use my idea!

Executive:  Okay, robot dog to drive things.  Trucks, planes, and an RV okay, though?

Stoner Dude:  Yeah, and make sure that cult kid lives at the top of Adventure Bay to keep an eye on his cult.  But, don’t make it obvious like a church.  Give it a not obvious steeple, ok?

Executive:  Space Needle, got it.  Can the dogs talk?

Stoner Dude:  Yeah, but not the EVIL KITTENS.  They have to mew.

Executive:  Sounds like a plan.  Now, what does Adventure Bay look like?

Stoner Dude:  It has everything!  Oceans, whales, lighthouses, skiing, snow, mountains.  But no dentists.

Executive:  Okay.  You mentioned the dentists live in the rival town.  We’ll make an episode where it’s mentioned, okay?

Stoner Dude:  Can we add a GIANT STUFFED DOG!?

Executive:  No, let’s discuss the giant stuffed dog as a different show.  Let’s keep the cult kid as Paw Patrol, ok?

Stoner Dude:  This show is awesome…seriously do you hear an echo?

 


<end echo effect flashback>

And, just like that, Stoner Dude created Paw Patrol.

Peeing On A Stick – Part Two

Didn’t see part one? Here is Peeing On A Stick Part One.


Blueberries Picking

I knew that I’d be unhappy no matter the result. I wanted four kids. I can only physically have three. Adoption is an option years down the road. Yes, I’m so incredibly blessed to have the three we have. Yes, women go through so much more to have one baby, or even none. Yes, we did suffer from infertility and secondary infertility. No, I don’t just want to try for a girl. Give me another boy. I’m good with them. I’d panic with a girl. Also, all my kids were born around the same time. I think I’m only fertile January through March. Kidding, kind of…

But, it wasn’t my choice to stop. I’m stubborn. Tell me I can’t do something and I want to. I’m not that selfish though. I won’t risk leaving my three boys without a mom, or make Plus One a widower. If God goes against all odds (remember, Plus One had the V), and I get pregnant, it’s obviously meant to be, right?  But if that happens, my OB might tell me I have to terminate. I can’t do that. You do whatever floats your boat, but to me that’s murder. If my OB told me that my chances of survival depended on a termination, I’d have a difficult and ugly decision to make. I honestly don’t know what I would do. Plus One would have a say, and his would be to terminate unless someone could 100% guarantee my life. (Yes, I think that the person who contributes half of the genetic material to the baby should have a say in what happens to the baby even when the baby is in the mother’s body.) I logically understand this. I’m still over here like “but baby! And they smell good!” No, I’m not intelligent.

Blueberries1So, one line makes me mourn what I envisioned. Two lines would have made me mourn what might not be (my life) and difficult choices. So, while those 10 minutes passed and I relived all the good and the bad from their births, I realized that I didn’t know what I wanted. I want another child because that’s what I planned and I’m anal about plans. Really, though, I would love another child. I don’t want another baby because the decisions would be so difficult. But our family feels mostly whole at the same time. (Mostly because we had to put one of our dogs down recently, so there is a hole.) Maybe we look into adoption or fostering later on down the road. Maybe not. For now, I’ll count my blessings and call them Plus One, Bubba, Smash’n’Break, and Littles.