A Meme Tour Of My Brain

Like Shrek, I am also an onion. When you peel it, more onion.
Like Shrek, I am also an onion. When you peel it, more onion.

 

Littles is proving this to be very...very true. Sob
Littles is proving this to be very…very true. Sob

 

This is how hubby reacts to spiders...all bugs really.
This is how hubby reacts to spiders…all bugs really.

 

I need lots of patience. No more than that. Starkiller Base amounts of patience.
I need lots of patience. No more than that. Starkiller Base amounts of patience.

 

I still think its a cookie. Until I chip a tooth biting it, I won't believe it.
I still think its a cookie. Until I chip a tooth biting it, I won’t believe it.

 

I do love supernatural...and would totally do this.
I do love supernatural…and would totally do this.

 

You have been warned.
You have been warned.

 

Did I mention I needed patience. You deal with 3 little boys and 1 bog one!
Did I mention I needed patience. You deal with 3 little boys and 1 big one!

 

I also like dad jokes...a lot.
I also like dad jokes…a lot.

 

Yeah...its true.
Yeah…its true.

 

Almost there. 2 almost fully trained! The end is in sight.
Almost there. 2 almost fully trained! The end is in sight.

 

Boy moms, you will get this.
Boy moms, you will get this.

Lack of Caffeine Rambling (Part 1)

I’ll warn you now that this is just ramblings of my very-much-needing-coffee brain.

So I’m stuck on the couch because Littles isn’t feeling great. Which means, lots of cuddles and kids TV shows. Yes, I’m being a “bad mom” by allowing my 2 year old to *gasp* have screen time. I’ll own it if today makes him into a grown man child living in my basement spreading Cheeto Dust everywhere. But for today, he’s not crying. Winning doesn’t need to be major. Or maybe I have lowered my standards…
Queen-Linny
Anyway, The Wonder Pets surprised me. Lenny, the Guinea pig, is a girl named Linny not Lenny. Wait, what? He’s a she? No! Surprised doesn’t even begin to cover it. This also made me actually pay attention to the show. That phone was ringing and all.

Today’s animal in trouble was a meerkat. Something about a jackal, and one meerkat wanted to run away and the other one wanted to talk to the jackal. So, in the real world, we know which gene pool would have survived. But, In WonderPetsVille, they decide to talk to the jackal. The jackal just wanted to be friends. Face palm. No, sorry. The jackal wants the meerkat to lower its inhibitions so it’s easier to eat the meerkat. Tequila would have been faster than calling the GirlBoySurprise Guinea Pig and crew. Do meerkats get chewier if they run around a lot? Is that why the Jackal is trying to wear sheep’s closing? Asking Smash’n’Break leads to a “You silly, mama!”

Oh yay! I have wasted enough time to feed Littles and Smash’n’Break lunch! Paw Patrol shall allow me to get it made, and then naps. Blissful quiet is coming soon! I still need coffee. I so will be the crazy lady with a pet raccoon in Paw Patrol when I’m old like her. This is why I need coffee.

Seriously. Lenny is a girl…..

My Coffee Adventure Inspiration

Today’s Adventures Before Coffee inspired me to actually start this blog. You’ll see why. I have to share my level of crazy-insanity. I laugh at myself. Others should laugh at me, too.

I think of myself as a Powerpuff girl who requires coffee to maintain her powers.
I think of myself as a Powerpuff girl who requires coffee to maintain her powers.

I’m a hot mess mom. I admit it. There are days that I’m WITH IT. On top of it all, house is spotless, kids are getting along great. That’s rare. Most days are more like today. I’ve got less than a week until the end of tax season. I should be doing more returns (6 to go!). It’s a part-time gig I do for myself that I find fun. (I TOLD YOU I was crazy!) I got Bubba off to school already. So, I go to get ready to work. Put water in the coffee maker – check. Smash-N-Break, stop jumping on the couch – check. Open the cupboard to get a cup – check. Push the button – check. Seriously, Littles and Smash-N-Break, STOP JUMPING – check. Feed the dogs – check. OKAY, KIDS, REALLY STOP JUMPING! – check. Get coffee. Oh, I don’t have any. I must have forgotten to push the button. I do that. It’s like my children eat my brain. Let’s grab a cup and do it this time. Hmmm. Why is the button not working? Oh, it’s not shut completely. Okay, it’s perfectly shut. Still not working? My coffee maker can’t be broken! Oh no. Anxiety is setting in. Seriously – Littles even has his own play Keurig and makes me coffee. I can’t NOT have coffee. Wait. I smell coffee. Where is my coffee? Did I put it in the microwave already? Nope, not there. Haven’t done dishes yet this morning, so it’s not in the sink or dishwasher. Wait. I put away the kids’ milks from this morning. I bet it’s in the fridge! No. Uh oh. Am I really that dumb? Am I really Homer Simpson level SMRT today? *Places finger into the drawer that catches excess liquids* “Oh snap” (I actually said that, did I use it right?). I AM that dumb.

I didn’t put the cup under my coffee maker. It’s one of those Bunn coffee makers that takes K-cups. (Yep, I don’t care about the environment either. Those tiny little plastic cups just make fantabulous coffee.) In all honesty, I don’t know what the hell I did with the coffee cup. It’s entirely possible and likely that I opened the cupboard, grabbed one, put it back, and then went and pushed the button. Kids are zombies, yo. They eat brains. I also didn’t just remove the drawer that catches the excess liquids. Oh no. In my non-caffeinated haze, I unplugged the whole machine and moved the whole thing. I dripped coffee from the coffee maker to the sink. So, I had to mop, too, after cleaning up all the coffee mess. This is why my coffee is always cold before I get to it. I get distracted. Oh, look a bunny!

I’m learning to embrace the hot-mess that I am, while striving to be a better mom and wife to my kids and hubby. I’ve got Bubba (he’s 7), Smash-N-Break (he’s 4), and Littles (he’s 2). Plus One has been my hubby for 14 years, and we’ve been together for 18 years. Perfection is overrated. Reality is better. I want to share my flaws and craziness. I’m a whole lot more Pinterest Fail than Better Homes and Gardens. I’ll share those with you, too. Seriously – laugh with me at myself. It’s more fun to share that way.

By the way, I did finally succeed in making a cup of coffee. I even had some of it while it was hot!